The Light on the Other Side

With life's many blessings and joys also come the inevitable trials and tribulations. When the sun fades, clouds gather and you're feeling like when it rains it pours, it may be almost impossible to see the silver lining.  When there's no one to turn to and those you let in don't seem to understand, you may find it hard to see your own way through the dark to the light on the other side. 

During those times, I feel one of the worst things someone could say to a person who is hurting is "just get over it".  Telling a person such can be more grievous than whatever it is they're going through.  Many people will still try to smile despite their pain and you never know what someone is truly feeling.  The impact of those words can cause a descent into a place from which that person may have an ever harder time returning.  Afterall, how people handle things is purely individual and on their own accord.  None of us can or should tell another how to feel, when to feel and what to feel.  If it is not a matter of concern to us, it doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be a matter of concern to them. If they matter to you their feelings should not be dismissed because everything is relative.

"Getting over it", whatever "it" may be, is obviously the goal. I don't know anyone who chooses misery though I'm sure there are some who exist. The rate at which we rebound from trying times is going to differ.  Getting over things quickly/easily doesn't necessarily equate strength. I believe the easier it is to get over something, the less it ever meant. Those who tell others to simply get over it may believe they're showing support, but it just seems more like heartlessness.

How do you find the light when there's no one's hand to hold? How do you heal the wounds when there's so much left to unfold? How do you ease the pain when there's still love left inside? How do you get over the hurt when you feel you're dying inside? How do you see the light?.....

Gone too Soon: R.I.P. LaShawna Threatt

LaShawna Threatt

For death is but a passing phase of Life;

A change of dress, a disrobing;

A birth into the unborn again;

A commencing where we ended;

A starting where we stopped to rest;

A crossroad of Eternity;

A giving up of something, to possess all things.

The end of the unreal, the beginning of the real.

EDWIN LEIBFREED, "The Song of the Soul"

I've been following the very sad story of LaShawna Threatt and Ciara Williams ever since I first heard about their tragic 10th floor fall from the W Hotel Memorial Day Weekend.  Though I didn't/don't know either young lady, I've been drawn to this. Why? I can't fully explain, which is why I hesitated to blog or comment.  But after a week of reading various articles, watching the news clips and questioning (along with everyone else) how this could happen, I feel compelled to express my condolences, thoughts and feelings about another life gone too soon.   

They may never see this but my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the Threatt and Williams families and all those affected by this tragedy.   I've seen the interviews and thought, 'they seem so composed, so strong; I would be in shambles.' What I must realize is death is often sad to those of us left behind because we feel hurt, pain and sorrow for our loss instead of celebrating the life and the fact that the individual who passed on shall no longer experience those things.  From everything I've read, LaShawna was always happy and an amazing person to know. She loved the best of the best so her Hollywood funeral planned for today was only appropriate and her life worthy of celebration, not sadness. 

Best Friends: LaShawna and Ciara

Still, the "why" and "how" are natural thoughts that come and go whenever something like this happens. It's that haunting feeling of hollowness when learning of someone so young passing away and the inability to explain how or why and the thought of what must have been going on in their minds. I felt it after the sudden deaths of the several college associates who have gone within the last two years.  This particular story, with the different versions and the shock of it happening in a place I've been and envisioning similar nights shared between me and my friends makes the circumstances of strangers hit somewhat closer to home. If for no other reason than to thank God for the many times HE has delivered us from hurt, harm and danger during our celebrations and serves as a reminder that while everyday there could be something to complain about we should instead be grateful and live life to its fullest.  Be blessed.  

(picture sources: Internet)                                                              

'Dark Girls': An exploration into the Skin Color biases within African-American culture

 A documentary long overdue, in my opinion.   One that will hopefully shed light and breathe understanding about a problem that simply cannot be denied.   Some people choose not to believe such matters exist or choose to excuse or ignore it passing it off as "preference" and an issue only to those who make it one. I, for one, have my own stories about what it has been to be a "brown" girl in this color-stricken world.  I cannot wait to see this documentary and if just ONE person listens and understands the pain and acknowledges the problem, I couldn't be happier.

Watch preview here:


Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo. film (produced by Bill Duke for Duke Media and D. Channsin Berry for Urban Winter Entertainment, co-produced by Bradinn French and edited by Bradinn French)

Will Black Women Ever Catch a Break?

If we're not being attacked for our "attitudes" or mocked by men and minstrels, we're being labeled for having "lists" or kicked for having kinks in our hair. Let's not even get started on the whole skin tone issue..again.  One more shot has been fired at black women by Psyhcology Today blogger Satoshi Kanazawa.  He posted a blog several days ago titled "A Look at the Hard Truths About Human Nature"which had some claims of scientific evidence that supports why black women are less attractive than women of other races. 

Some excerpts:

What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men. [...]
The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race difference in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

There are undoubtedly those who don't feel this is even an issue or it is for only those who make it one, but it's clear this affects some people even if it's not you or anyone you know. I don't know which is worse, people who actually continue to perpetuate this non-sense or those who choose not to acknowledge it.  My question is, how can we stop these ideologies from being perpetuated? Or can we?

What's in a Name?

Who do you envision when you hear a name like Tanisha.... What about Becky? Lamar? Julio? Ryan? 

There have been reported cases of job-seekers being discriminated against based on their names.  Do you feel that someone with a more 'white' sounding name is more likely to be considered for a job over someone whose name sounds 'Asian' or  'Black'? Did this or would this come in to play when naming your child and what do you think  YOUR name says about you?

9Y.7M.20D...Death Befalls bin Laden

Nine years, seven months and 20 days. My initial reaction after receiving the breaking-news in the midst of an awesome birthday celebration: Bullshit and propaganda..but HEY let's take a shot anyway!

On this 2nd day of May 2011, a day that will be forever branded on the hearts, minds and souls of millions; as dusk seeps in and the reports have unfolded, I find myself still feeling some type of way about the death of Osama bin Laden...

As one CNN article reported, Bob Gibson, a retired New York police officer, said the news of bin Laden's death gave him a sense of "closure." "I never thought this night would come, that we would capture or kill bin Laden," he said. "And thank the Lord he has been eliminated."  For those who share his sentiments and celebrate Osama's killing as justice for their loved ones who sacrificed and lost their lives, I am happy. Happy for their peace and solace but something about thanking God for a man's execution does not sit well with me; enemy or not. 

As various Internet sites continue to swirl with news updates, photos, jokes and the usual gamut of public opinion, I admittedly fear what's to come. While I do feel proud to see this happen under President Obama's regime, part of me hopes that those thinking that this earns him a "get re-elected free" card don't make the same mistake many Americans do with their 'Idol' favorites and assume they're safe only to see them voted off early much to the shock and dismay of bewildered viewers. 

"Our country kept its commitment to see that justice is done," Obama declared. "We're reminded that we're fortunate to have Americans who have dedicated their lives to protecting ours...As commander-in-chief, I could not be prouder."


My Question is this: How do you feel Osama's capture & death will affect Obama in terms of the criticism he receives and his potential re-election? Will the ridicule stop with this? What does this mean to you and what do you predict for the US now?

The QOTD on Facebook yielded comments such as:

"Murder is terrible....nothing should be celebrated here....y'all are harmed more by the american politicans who been raping y'all of your money and getting rich off of "war" vs this "person" they can Bin Laden #brainwashed"

"America makes you believe what they want you to believe. They want you to believe that you are "safe" or "safer" now the Saddam and Osama are dead. Why is the world safer? Saddam didn't have weapons and who can honestly prove the the actions of 9/11 were all Al Qaeda/Osama Bin Laden's doing? I believe 9/11 is a conspiracy but it is what it is, just my beliefs. War will always happen because man is corrupt. Man will always want power, money and control. People are never truly safe, America just wants you to believe that."

"I am familiar with our past associations with Osama. That's not the point. And there was a reason why he was blamed. And there is a reason why we went after Hussein first. The fact of the matter is this. You can't convince common folk that those conspiracy theories are true. All they know is what they are told. They were told that Osama did it. They want revenge. And it's easier to chase a man around for 10 years than it is to convict and prove every single person involved with the US was guilty. On top of that, if that is done, this country would collapse or become taken over by some ruthless leader. So let me ask you this, was 911 not terrible? What would you have proposed we did if we could prove the US was without a doubt involved? Do you not think they would want their head too? We can't prove that the US did it. They was able to prove that Osama was involved. Did Osama ever say who helped him do it? All this time he knew he was a target and not once did he name names. I'm asking. And if Osama was crazy enough to let the US place full blame on him without ratting someone out,then he died for his foolishness. " 

So where do you stand?  



 
 

Roommates and Dating

 

At some point in time, most of us have had one or some.   College was all about them! Even starting out in the real would wouldn't have been the same without one.  But when does it become less acceptable or less tolerable for a man or woman to have a roommate? Is there a certain age or certain time in life? Would you refuse to date someone who had a roommate for any reason? If so, why? And finally...have you or would you ever date a roommate that you had/have?