You are NOW entering the Comfort Zone

What makes you feel secure? Everyone has that point they get to where they feel comfortable and secure with someone or something.  What does being secure mean to you?  What must you or your partner gain, possess or exhibit in order for you to feel comfortable and secure in your relationship? List them in order from highest priority to least.

Can someone please press Rewind?!

With age comes wisdom and maturity...or least it's SUPPOSED to.  Time has flown and as I sit here just a week away from turning 30, I find myself wondering, reflecting and dreaming.  Why do people put so much emphasis on turning 30? I've always felt like (per societies standards) folks should be married with children by now or at least very close.  I'm not there and many times I feel like I'm one of the ONLY ones.  Sometimes I feel like need a do-over.

If you could rewind the time to a certain age and do it all over, what age would you go back to? What advice can any of you 30+ somethings give to someone who has been told that it's all downhill after 30 and isn't necessarily thrilled to leave their 20s? Is age really only a number?

"New" Hip Hop: Fun or Tomfoolery?

Are groups/artists like this and Soulja Boy, Cali Swag District, etc. bringing the fun back to hip-hop or is this just modern day minstrel work?  Some argue that older artists like Kwame, Kid-n-Play and the Fresh Prince were of the same caliber and this is just history repeating itself with this type of flagrant hip-hop artist.  Others might say those who think this music lacks any real material or lyrical content (aka is garbage) are just maturing and fail to realize we listened to much of the same type of basic 'ABC' lyrics and engaged in the catchy dances of the moment so just let these kids have their shine.   So do you think dances like the dougie and the jerk equate to what the running man and cabbage patch kid were to us 80s & 90s babies? Can the New Boyz or the Rej3ctz be compared to Kid-n-Play or Kriss Kross? Or is this new era of music giving hip-hop a bad name?

Tough Turf: Vince Young vs. Coach Fisher

Visibly upset after Tennessee's 19-16 overtime loss to the Washington Redskins on Sunday, a frustrated Vince Young tossed his jersey and shoulder gear into the stands and stormed off the field.  It has been reported that a verbal altercation ensued between Young and head coach Jeff Fisher as the injured quarterback prepared to walk out of the locker room.  Fisher allegedly told him to stop and not to "run out on your teammates," to which Young allegedly retorted, "I'm not running out on my teammates, I'm running out on you." Though not banned from the team, he was unwelcome at a team meeting Monday following the incident. 

Do you think Vince Young's actions are excusable and understandable given the fact he was heckled by a booing crowd, placed on IR after a torn flexor tendon and frustrated by not being able to play? Afterall, one could argue this is the second time this season that Fisher cost the Titans a chance to win by not putting Young back in.  So is it Fisher that has lack of respect and desire for Young on his team or is Young ultra-sensitive and is his time as a Titan finally up? 

Photo from Intentionalfoul.com

Should Brett Favre retire?

Coming one day after head coach Brad Childress getting the big let go, should Brett Favre be the next domino to fall? 

Besides being hella old, he has come with baggage from each team he has been on.  With that being said, does Brett still give the Vikings the best chance to win or should Tavaris Jackson get an opportunity to showcase his talents?

Compromise... it's a THIN line

Christina Aguilera blames her husband for holding her back thus indirectly causing the lack of response to her album "Bionic" and/or making her irrelevant. 

Agree or disagree: No one can stop you from getting what you want but in relationships you compromise. Does that mean someone has to lose??  Again, what is the difference between compromising and settling?   

Is there No Standard for Black women in Porn?

An inquiring mind writes: The bf and I were discussing porn preferences.  He likes black girls. In my opinion, beautiful black porn stars are few and far between. I see gigantic nipples on stretched out flat titties, c section scars, scarred up booties, horrible weaves and overall cheap movies. In fact, most of the beautiful black porn women aren't even in the ebony section.

Are black porn stars not held to standards as high as other porn stars? Also, should a woman feel some type of way if her man watches porn and if his preferences are watching girls of other races besides hers?

Squibble Squabble

 Relationships take work.  With any type of relationship, there will be disagreements and conflict; such is life.  People are different and even those with commonalities may bump heads simply because they're too much alike.  We can learn a lot about ourselves and others from conflicts and disagreements; how to appreciate, how to love, how we handle certain situations and how to avoid future discord. Afterall, what would the ups be without the downs? Everyone's got 'em both but when does it surpass normalcy? 

How do you determine the difference between having healthy disagreements, superficial conflicts and all out arguments?  Where do you draw the line between what's typical of two different people trying to mesh and two people who may be trying to force something that just isn't there? Is it the consistency of the disagreements or the content that matters more,or both?

"Touched" by the TSA

The Transportation Security Administration is creating a world-wind of controversy with their new screening and pat down process. The new screening process has not only raised questions regarding the privacy of individuals but also for safety due to the exposure to the x-ray technology. 
 
Do you feel it is an unnecessary or inappropriate invasion of privacy or a much needed heightened security measure?  Will this change your decision to fly places and what measures do you think SHOULD be taken if not these?

For Colored Girls

I went to see Tyler Perry's film adaptation of Ntozake Shange’s "For Colored Girls" last night. I, personally, left the theater with very mixed emotions. Overall it was a very touching, very deep movie.  However, at times, I felt like I do about many of  TPs works, that it was a bit over the top. I found myself trying to identify myself with any one of the characters but could only do so to a certain degree. I still feel it's worth seeing but perhaps as the play rather than the movie.  If you do, DVD wouldn't be the worst way to go.  If you've seen this movie, what are your thoughts? 

From screencrave.com

The Blame Game: Bush vs. Obama

 

Funny but true? Or is blaming Bush getting old? 

Yesterday, Facebook cohort Michael Anderson posted the above picture.  He, and several others, found humor in it, however, one of his fellow FB friends did not.  Her comment was this: "NOT!!!! At what point do we (as a country) stop blaming someone who has been out of office for now 2 years???? I guess NONE of the current president's POOR decisions are his fault either huh?!! And forget about him being black... I am much m...ore concerned about his love for the Muslims!!! Guess y'all wont be happy till you are bowing to the Karan. Let me know how that works for ya!!!"

Agree or disagree? Do you feel that Obama is solely responsible being the current President or does our Country's problems still have a LOT to do with the Bush Administration? 

Does Teen Pregnancy still Carry the same Stigmas that it once used to have?

SCENARIO:  A young girl works hard throughout high school and earns the GPA to become her class Valedictorian.   However, a few months before graduation, she gets pregnant.  Some school board members and parents express concern and the Principal tells her she cannot deliver her Valedictorian speech due to the message some people feel it would send.   Do you think she should be able to regardless of if she's pregnant or do you agree that she shouldn't be able to serve as Valedictorian due to her pregnancy?

With time, many things have become more acceptable but does this include teen pregnancy?  Do you think that shows like MTV's Teen Mom glorify teen mothers or help shed light on a painful epidemic? What about stars like Fantasia and others in the spotlight like Bristol Palin? Do they help or hinder the fight against teen mothers or is there even still a fight? 

(Photo by Getty Images. NO Copyright intended)

Racist TV?

I caught the end of Black Girls Rock on BET and it sparked the question....if a network had a  show called "White Women Rock", would that be racist?

Relationships & Masturbation

Do people in relationships still masturbate? (Submitted by an anonymous inquiring mind)

Inquiring minds would like to know do people still entertain pleasing themselves even if they have a partner?  Could this be a way to add spice to the relationship for some?

Do Virgins Still Exist?

Raise your hand if you were raised with the belief that sex should wait til marriage?  Well.....raise your hand again if you can count how many times that has gone out the window for either yourself or someone else you know.

Does anyone wait til marriage anymore? Would you marry a virgin, why or why not?  If you're already married, would you have still married your spouse if he/she had been a virgin?  Or do you wish he/she HAD been a virgin?

Driver who caused Fatal Easter Crash Faces Sentencing..What should her Punishment be?

If this was your family who was victimized by such a tragic event, what punishment would you want the person who caused this to receive? Do you think the lack of emotion will play part in sentencing?  Would you have done the same thing for your child as her mother did?

I remember hearing about the awful Easter crash back in April of 2009 and immediately praying for all those involved and that they would find the suspect. I remember how horrified I was to learn that it was a young lady, just college age who had caused the accident that would claim 5 lives and that she acted to cover it up. Now, Aimee Michael will face sentencing for her actions on that horrible day.  Should she get the minimum for causing a terrible accident which any of us possibly could or the maximum for being careless, cold and callous enough for being an irresponsible driver, citizen and human being?

If this kid was yours

 On a scale from 1-10 how annoyed do you get when a single person comments on how you parent your child? As a single person does it bother you when parents feel you don't know anything simply because you haven't had a child yet?  Aren't some things just common sense?

Parenting ain't easy but somebody gotta do it! It doesn't take bearing a child to recognize that. Some people are still of the old school mindset that it takes a village to raise a child but how many parents get offended or irked when a "single" person comments or gives input on how to raise their child? And how many single folk get irritated when parents seem oblivious or in denial about their bad children or lack of parenting skills and think that you don't know anything because you're not one?  Well what would you do if THIS was your child? I think it's easy to see there's a problem here, whether you're a parent or not. 

I love BOOBIES!

Each year, in honor of breast cancer awareness month, various organizations create clothing and accessories that support the cause. Over the years, the slogans have changed with the times to become more modern and catchy. Instead of just being pink with the symbolic ribbon, many of these tees dawn slogans such as "Saving Second Base" and "Treasured Chest", bracelets read phrases like "I love boobies". 

The question is, do you feel these are appropriate for middle school and elementary aged children to wear? Would you let your young child wear these to show support and would they understand the purpose? Do you agree with schools banning these items?

Black Marriage: A Negotiation

 Are black women really this bad?! Is this honestly how we are all perceived?

Ahhh... the age old topic of the breakdown of black relationships! This topic will never die because of just how prevalent this issue is. My initial reaction to this clip was to laugh.  It really is quite humorous but is the underlying issue really something to laugh at? After seeing the few male reactions on my initial post and talking to a couple of males who say this is precisely what they've heard from black women, this clip forces me to really question if I am being represented by this character by default simply due to the color of my skin.  These are serious generalizations about black women and I'm really curious if not just black men, but if other men AND women of other ethnic groups also share this perception of or have had this type of experience with black women? Are there no other women who are "like" this? Do Hispanic or Asian people not have these types of discussions? Whites? Has anyone ever dealt with a black woman who does NOT fit into this stereotype? Please someone let me know...

Music Moods

What song or artist do you listen to whenever you feel down, depressed, unmotivated or in an overall FUNK? Who do you listen to to set a romantic or chill mood? Or when you're already crunk and you want to take it to that next level?

Music, to me, is the language of the soul.  I thank God for the individuals out here who have the gift to produce words and melodies that regardless of who you are and no matter what you're going through, you can find something among the plethora of artists, lyrics and songs to relate to.   

When I feel considerably less than my best and totally down on my place in life, I pop in "How Deeply I Need You", "My Help Cometh" or one of my all time favorite Gospel remedies..."Total Praise".   When I'm feeling giddy and nostalgic and want to recall the colorful memories of my youth and teens, there's nothing like the 90s throwbacks like Jodeci, NKOTB, SWV and Keith Sweat that takes me there!

But on days like today when I feel somewhere between a notch above melancholy but a few steps shy of hopeful bliss I turn to a mix of melodic tunes by the likes of A. Keys, Lauryn, Chrisette and, believe it or not, Jay. Each of those artists have a different vibe and play to different emotions but they all work to get me in that "zone"...So my song for today is a live version of one of my faves from my girl A Keys:

Antoine Dodson: A 15 Minute Muse or Menace?

Do you think that Antoine Dodson is perpetuating the negative stereotypes that already plague African Americans or is he just another young man doing his thing to make money and milk his 15 minutes?  Should he have performed at the BET Hip Hop Awards?

 

Do Ultimatums Ever Really Work?

Have you ever been given an ultimatum to do something? Have you ever GIVEN an ultimatum to get your way? Did it work out for you or did it backfire?

ul·ti·ma·tum

noun \ˌəl-tə-ˈmā-təm, -ˈmä-\

plural ul·ti·ma·tums or ul·ti·ma·ta\-tə\

Definition of ULTIMATUM

: a final proposition, condition, or demand; especially : one whose rejection will end negotiations and cause a resort to force or other direct action 

 

If you're anything like me, you don't like to be backed into a corner.  I might be leaning towards going the route you want me to go anyway but as soon as I feel like you take my options away from me, it becomes a problem.  I'm a Sagittarius and we are free-spirited. We already fear confinement and shudder at the thought of not being able to do what we want. Do you know of any situations or relationships (personal, business or otherwise) that formed based off of ultimatums? I'm interested to know if they've lasted or if they've fallen apart.

A friendly piece of advice

What is the single most important advice you can recall your parents or anyone else giving you? How has this advice helped you in life and would you continue to give this advice to future generations or do you feel it wouldn't apply?

Momma never said life would be easy and easy it is NOT! The best thing parents can do is guide and protect but not be overbearing or try to live you life for you.  I have to sit back and wonder sometimes what the children today are being told. What values are being instilled in them and what their mentors are advising them of.  Sometimes the best advice we get is from true friends who have our best interest at heart.  So what piece of advice has been most important to you and what will you share with the world?

Bedroom Boundaries - Pt. 2

At what point do you cross the line from being open to sexual exploration and experimentation over to homosexuality?

If you DO decide to welcome a third party into your bed to add spice, does that make the parties of the same sex gay or does it depend on the specific activity involved?   And what if you find other ways such as toys to add spice....  The following is based on a true story told to me by a friend which sparked this question:

Situation:  Man and woman have been dating for a little bit of time.  Man invites woman over. Upon her arrival he suggests them "get freaky".  He pulls out a strap on and asks her to perform.  Is this gay or is he just a super freak!?.....

Bedroom Boundaries - Pt. 1

Have you ever considered inviting other people to participate in bedroom fantasies? Is this appropriate in any phase of a relationship? If your marriage was on the rocks and you knew this was a fantasy your spouse had, do you think you would fulfill that in effort to save your marriage or do you think it would make matters worse?

Discussion around what happens between couples behind closed doors has long been taboo.   I feel like today a lot more goes or at least a lot more is discussed and out in the open.  It's no secret that many men and women alike have particular fantasies and have at least entertained the idea of engaging in different activities in order to reach their pleasure points.  But is exploring with other people ever a good idea when you're in a relationship or should this be limited to singles just out to play? .....

New Age Bullying

Do you think that kids today are being raised in a manner that makes them "softer", more susceptible and incapable of handling bullying and cyber-bullying? Is the bullying today also worse due to the lack of discipline this generation has? Or has it all been the same all along and it's just more exposed now with all of the social media outlets?

My heart breaks for Asher Brown's, Jessica Logan's and Tyler Clementi's of the world.  My heart also breaks for their families who are left wondering how did this happen and how could it have been prevented and who's gonna pay?  Bullying has been happening since the beginning of time to some degree.  There have always been the outcasts, the ones who didn't quite fit in and those kids who made their lives a living hell.  But I remember being taught how to defend myself, hearing parents instill in their children not to taking any stuff from anyone and growing up with the idea that even if I couldn't handle it, my brothers or my parents would.  Is this not the case these days? We live in the times where a father defends his child against bullies and he's the one arrested. What are your thoughts on this and the growing trend of bullying related suicides? Should we examine the parents and how they're raising kids today or the overwhelming popularity and common misuse and abuse of the media and social outlets that expose these acts and what should the punishments be?

That's Just My Baby Daddy...

Agree or disagree: if there's no significant drama between a dude and his baby momma, he will/would always continue to sleep with her.  What about for women? Does having that bond of a child make you more likely to continue to be intimate?

I was in a relationship once with a man who had children. Although I was grateful to not have to deal with any direct baby momma drama, I always felt it odd that he seemed to not want to introduce me to them. His argument was that they were like family so he didn't feel the need to until he knew for sure about us (though I'd been around everyone else in his fam).  I didn't have an overwhelming desire to meet them but I felt like wouldn't these women want to know who this person is spending so much time around their child? When I finally did meet one, I thought it great that they had a working relationship for the child but I still felt in the back of my mind that there was at least a longing for more on either his part or hers. I just got that vibe. I recently was having a conversation with someone who said that a man is always going to sleep with his baby moms and as long as there's no major drama between the two.  So were my sneaking suspicions correct? Ah, who really cares but perhaps one should be careful of those who claim "that's just my baby daddy/momma".

Under the influence, Above the law

So often, those who fall victim to alcohol and drug addiction are shunned, judged, and regarded as losers or rejects. What accountabilty do those who sell drugs and alcohol have as distributors and contributors, including the Govt? And why is it that society seems to respect, embrace and sometimes glorify dealers/sellers but disrespect and discard the users/addicts?

Power of the P

Under what circumstances would a man ever turn down guaranteed food and sex?

If I am to rely on my experiences with my male friends and their banter about various escapades that certainly make one blush, the answer would be NEVER!! Does distance, relationship status or male emotion come into play when making the decision to accept the invitation for a night to remember?  ....