The Light on the Other Side

With life's many blessings and joys also come the inevitable trials and tribulations. When the sun fades, clouds gather and you're feeling like when it rains it pours, it may be almost impossible to see the silver lining.  When there's no one to turn to and those you let in don't seem to understand, you may find it hard to see your own way through the dark to the light on the other side. 

During those times, I feel one of the worst things someone could say to a person who is hurting is "just get over it".  Telling a person such can be more grievous than whatever it is they're going through.  Many people will still try to smile despite their pain and you never know what someone is truly feeling.  The impact of those words can cause a descent into a place from which that person may have an ever harder time returning.  Afterall, how people handle things is purely individual and on their own accord.  None of us can or should tell another how to feel, when to feel and what to feel.  If it is not a matter of concern to us, it doesn't mean it can't or shouldn't be a matter of concern to them. If they matter to you their feelings should not be dismissed because everything is relative.

"Getting over it", whatever "it" may be, is obviously the goal. I don't know anyone who chooses misery though I'm sure there are some who exist. The rate at which we rebound from trying times is going to differ.  Getting over things quickly/easily doesn't necessarily equate strength. I believe the easier it is to get over something, the less it ever meant. Those who tell others to simply get over it may believe they're showing support, but it just seems more like heartlessness.

How do you find the light when there's no one's hand to hold? How do you heal the wounds when there's so much left to unfold? How do you ease the pain when there's still love left inside? How do you get over the hurt when you feel you're dying inside? How do you see the light?.....

Gone too Soon: R.I.P. LaShawna Threatt

LaShawna Threatt

For death is but a passing phase of Life;

A change of dress, a disrobing;

A birth into the unborn again;

A commencing where we ended;

A starting where we stopped to rest;

A crossroad of Eternity;

A giving up of something, to possess all things.

The end of the unreal, the beginning of the real.

EDWIN LEIBFREED, "The Song of the Soul"

I've been following the very sad story of LaShawna Threatt and Ciara Williams ever since I first heard about their tragic 10th floor fall from the W Hotel Memorial Day Weekend.  Though I didn't/don't know either young lady, I've been drawn to this. Why? I can't fully explain, which is why I hesitated to blog or comment.  But after a week of reading various articles, watching the news clips and questioning (along with everyone else) how this could happen, I feel compelled to express my condolences, thoughts and feelings about another life gone too soon.   

They may never see this but my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the Threatt and Williams families and all those affected by this tragedy.   I've seen the interviews and thought, 'they seem so composed, so strong; I would be in shambles.' What I must realize is death is often sad to those of us left behind because we feel hurt, pain and sorrow for our loss instead of celebrating the life and the fact that the individual who passed on shall no longer experience those things.  From everything I've read, LaShawna was always happy and an amazing person to know. She loved the best of the best so her Hollywood funeral planned for today was only appropriate and her life worthy of celebration, not sadness. 

Best Friends: LaShawna and Ciara

Still, the "why" and "how" are natural thoughts that come and go whenever something like this happens. It's that haunting feeling of hollowness when learning of someone so young passing away and the inability to explain how or why and the thought of what must have been going on in their minds. I felt it after the sudden deaths of the several college associates who have gone within the last two years.  This particular story, with the different versions and the shock of it happening in a place I've been and envisioning similar nights shared between me and my friends makes the circumstances of strangers hit somewhat closer to home. If for no other reason than to thank God for the many times HE has delivered us from hurt, harm and danger during our celebrations and serves as a reminder that while everyday there could be something to complain about we should instead be grateful and live life to its fullest.  Be blessed.  

(picture sources: Internet)                                                              

'Dark Girls': An exploration into the Skin Color biases within African-American culture

 A documentary long overdue, in my opinion.   One that will hopefully shed light and breathe understanding about a problem that simply cannot be denied.   Some people choose not to believe such matters exist or choose to excuse or ignore it passing it off as "preference" and an issue only to those who make it one. I, for one, have my own stories about what it has been to be a "brown" girl in this color-stricken world.  I cannot wait to see this documentary and if just ONE person listens and understands the pain and acknowledges the problem, I couldn't be happier.

Watch preview here:


Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo. film (produced by Bill Duke for Duke Media and D. Channsin Berry for Urban Winter Entertainment, co-produced by Bradinn French and edited by Bradinn French)

Will Black Women Ever Catch a Break?

If we're not being attacked for our "attitudes" or mocked by men and minstrels, we're being labeled for having "lists" or kicked for having kinks in our hair. Let's not even get started on the whole skin tone issue..again.  One more shot has been fired at black women by Psyhcology Today blogger Satoshi Kanazawa.  He posted a blog several days ago titled "A Look at the Hard Truths About Human Nature"which had some claims of scientific evidence that supports why black women are less attractive than women of other races. 

Some excerpts:

What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men. [...]
The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race difference in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

There are undoubtedly those who don't feel this is even an issue or it is for only those who make it one, but it's clear this affects some people even if it's not you or anyone you know. I don't know which is worse, people who actually continue to perpetuate this non-sense or those who choose not to acknowledge it.  My question is, how can we stop these ideologies from being perpetuated? Or can we?

What's in a Name?

Who do you envision when you hear a name like Tanisha.... What about Becky? Lamar? Julio? Ryan? 

There have been reported cases of job-seekers being discriminated against based on their names.  Do you feel that someone with a more 'white' sounding name is more likely to be considered for a job over someone whose name sounds 'Asian' or  'Black'? Did this or would this come in to play when naming your child and what do you think  YOUR name says about you?

9Y.7M.20D...Death Befalls bin Laden

Nine years, seven months and 20 days. My initial reaction after receiving the breaking-news in the midst of an awesome birthday celebration: Bullshit and propaganda..but HEY let's take a shot anyway!

On this 2nd day of May 2011, a day that will be forever branded on the hearts, minds and souls of millions; as dusk seeps in and the reports have unfolded, I find myself still feeling some type of way about the death of Osama bin Laden...

As one CNN article reported, Bob Gibson, a retired New York police officer, said the news of bin Laden's death gave him a sense of "closure." "I never thought this night would come, that we would capture or kill bin Laden," he said. "And thank the Lord he has been eliminated."  For those who share his sentiments and celebrate Osama's killing as justice for their loved ones who sacrificed and lost their lives, I am happy. Happy for their peace and solace but something about thanking God for a man's execution does not sit well with me; enemy or not. 

As various Internet sites continue to swirl with news updates, photos, jokes and the usual gamut of public opinion, I admittedly fear what's to come. While I do feel proud to see this happen under President Obama's regime, part of me hopes that those thinking that this earns him a "get re-elected free" card don't make the same mistake many Americans do with their 'Idol' favorites and assume they're safe only to see them voted off early much to the shock and dismay of bewildered viewers. 

"Our country kept its commitment to see that justice is done," Obama declared. "We're reminded that we're fortunate to have Americans who have dedicated their lives to protecting ours...As commander-in-chief, I could not be prouder."


My Question is this: How do you feel Osama's capture & death will affect Obama in terms of the criticism he receives and his potential re-election? Will the ridicule stop with this? What does this mean to you and what do you predict for the US now?

The QOTD on Facebook yielded comments such as:

"Murder is terrible....nothing should be celebrated here....y'all are harmed more by the american politicans who been raping y'all of your money and getting rich off of "war" vs this "person" they can Bin Laden #brainwashed"

"America makes you believe what they want you to believe. They want you to believe that you are "safe" or "safer" now the Saddam and Osama are dead. Why is the world safer? Saddam didn't have weapons and who can honestly prove the the actions of 9/11 were all Al Qaeda/Osama Bin Laden's doing? I believe 9/11 is a conspiracy but it is what it is, just my beliefs. War will always happen because man is corrupt. Man will always want power, money and control. People are never truly safe, America just wants you to believe that."

"I am familiar with our past associations with Osama. That's not the point. And there was a reason why he was blamed. And there is a reason why we went after Hussein first. The fact of the matter is this. You can't convince common folk that those conspiracy theories are true. All they know is what they are told. They were told that Osama did it. They want revenge. And it's easier to chase a man around for 10 years than it is to convict and prove every single person involved with the US was guilty. On top of that, if that is done, this country would collapse or become taken over by some ruthless leader. So let me ask you this, was 911 not terrible? What would you have proposed we did if we could prove the US was without a doubt involved? Do you not think they would want their head too? We can't prove that the US did it. They was able to prove that Osama was involved. Did Osama ever say who helped him do it? All this time he knew he was a target and not once did he name names. I'm asking. And if Osama was crazy enough to let the US place full blame on him without ratting someone out,then he died for his foolishness. " 

So where do you stand?  



 
 

Roommates and Dating

 

At some point in time, most of us have had one or some.   College was all about them! Even starting out in the real would wouldn't have been the same without one.  But when does it become less acceptable or less tolerable for a man or woman to have a roommate? Is there a certain age or certain time in life? Would you refuse to date someone who had a roommate for any reason? If so, why? And finally...have you or would you ever date a roommate that you had/have?

Da Brat is B double A -C- K!!

Everyone's hype about the remix to Chris Breezy's "Look at Me Now" featuring J.D. and Da Brat because she, without a doubt, goes in and goes in HARD! It may be premature to say but I think that she has the potential to challenge Nicki Minaj's spot as the best female rapper in the game (currently).  Nicki is definitely doing her thing. I was pleasantly surprised by her Pink Friday Album and have become a fan. However, she's also been the only one doing her thing lately so it begs the question if she's really that talented or could someone like Da Brat give her a run for her money?  View the clip below of Da Brat and JD in the studio with a random cameo of Allen Iverson...hey, I'm not complaining!! Sexxxxy!

Should People Have to Pass a Drug Test Before Receiving Welfare?

Not too long ago, an email forward was sent to me that made me think.  It brought up an interesting point about how those of us who are gainfully employed are often subjected to urine tests for illegal substances and other "checks", if you will.  Passing them is required in order to get the job, aka to earn a paycheck.  If our taxes go to those receiving assistance from the government, shouldn't or DO those individuals have to abide by the same "screening" processes before they qualify to receive money?

Who's the Expert?

It seems like everywhere you turn, there's someone to give you advice about something. You've got books, DVDs and speakers offering tips on How to be a Millionaire, How to land a man, How to be a Mack, etc.  But what makes someone an expert? How does a comedian who has a failed marriage under his belt become the Messiah for women wondering why they can't just get it right with men?  Ministers are men of God who deliver the word but at the end of the day, they are still men so it's interesting to see people hang on so closely to their every word.  Is it a certain title, number of degrees?  Or is it a matter of experience or can someone with enough respect and charisma to have followers become an expert?   

Chris Brown on Dancing with the Stars...Mixed Emotions from Cast

Chris Brown performed last night on Dancing with the Stars and received an amazing reception.  I was so happy to see him finally be welcomed and appreciated once again for the talent that he is and not for the personal decisions and choices he has made.

Though the audience and some cast members seemed to enjoy his presence and performance, others like dancer Cheryl Burke, not so much.  "As a victim of domestic violence, I don't agree with him coming on the show, but it's out of my control," Burke told Extra.

Part of me understands where she may be coming from, but another part of me feels that she and many others have  personalized the incident with Chris Brown and Rhianna as if it happened to them or a loved one.   In no way do I condone domestic violence and am not excusing what CB did, however, he's not the same man (or men) who battered Cheryl Burke.  I've thankfully never been a victim of domestic violence so I cannot speak from that perspective but I do know that many women are given hell for comparing the next man to the previous one who hurt you and bringing that baggage to the table in any situation.  So my question is why can't people let him live; why do you think people are having such a hard time separating his personal life from his music? Is he the ONLY one in Hollywood to have ever been abusive? Would it be different if it hadn't been Rhianna? Should/will he forever be the poster child for domestic violence? 

Singles vs. Parents: Bias in the Workplace

Some have said that singles have it easy. Overall they seem to have more freedom and less responsibilities. Singles in the workplace may be viewed as having more flexibility, sometimes leading to a broader spectrum of opportunities.  

On the flip side, those who are parents are sometimes said to be favored and given breaks and the benefit of the doubt on things like attendance, flexible work schedules or earning more respect, in general, for being a parent and juggling a career/job.

Do you feel there are biases in the workplace? If so, towards which group...the parents or the singles?

Brown Paper Bag

You may have never experienced being told "You're cute for a brown skinned girl/guy" but you probably have heard it, thought it or know someone who has.

Over the last month, I've found myself discussing, debating and often defending brown skin with different people regarding the age old light skinned vs. dark skinned issue.  The argument: There's simply more attractive light skinned people vs. darker skinned people and it just is what it is. People are more attracted to light skinned people.  My belief: It's a mentality that stems from slavery that associates lighter with being better.

In the first conversation that this argument stemmed from, it was stated that contrary to my belief, it has nothing to do with slavery and more as a result of a survival of the fittest type of thing. People tend to seek out and breed with other attractive people and most of those people tend to be light-skinned.  

There are females whom I know prefer "yella or reddish brown" kids and don't find dark babies attractive. I've witnessed siblings being treated differently due to comlexion. Though I tried to give the benefit of the doubt thinking it was just the difference in their personalities, deep down I can't deny it likely has do with the fact that one is light and the other is dark. Even in my own experience, I can remember my brothers not wanting my mom to let me go to the pool in the summer because God forbid I get blacker.

One friend said her father believes that dark men usually date lighter women to make themselves look better.  He grew up in the South during the times you could "pass" based on the brown paper bag rule. Her grandfather also wouldn't allow her aunts to date darker men so they married light skinned men. From this I understood her mindset.  I wonder if this was my daddy's thinking??? I'll get back on that......

I get argued that even I prefer lighter men based on past boyfriends and who I rave about (i.e. T.I., Devin Thomas) but I guess they forget about the brown boys I've dated and me hollering about Idris Elba, Morris Chestnut and other great pieces of work! To me, attractive is attractive and I don't discriminate.

But to each his own! I still love a good joke or a light debate but my deeper concern and question is: do the majority of people think/feel this way? If so will the message that is still being trickled down through generations ever stop? How can black people ever get upset with other races for discriminating when we either consciously or subconsciously do it to our own? 

2012: Is the End of Time Upon us?

As I watch the tragedy of Japan unfold, I am in awe of the forces of nature that have devastated so many.  It's not the first, nor the last, act of nature to wreak havoc on humanity.  History is riddled with fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis and other extraordinary events that have left no person untouched by such impactful disasters.  However, when there are tornadoes in downtown Atlanta, snow in 48 of 50 states and multitudes of birds and fish dying in masses it makes you wonder about the predictions and prophecies of Nostradamus and the Mayan calendar. 

Do you believe in his predictions and that the end of time is near? Or are they simply coincidences that have taken place as nature runs its course?

Shacking Up

It seems that in this day and age, more and more couples choose to live together before they're married. Me and most people I know were raised not to but the reality is that most people I know have or do. If you were raised one way but have since changed your outlook on "shacking up" (as our parents and grandparents called it), what made you change your views?

Do you feel it has lost the stigma and disapproval that was once attached to it? Is it important to learn whether or not you can live with someone before taking those vows? Are there any young people who see shacking up as something inappropriate? And then there's also the study that showed couples who choose cohabitation are more likely to end up in divorce.  What do you believe?

The Ex Factor

While some people may live by the mantra "An ex is an ex for a reason", if you're like me and naturally a 'we are the world', 'can't we all get along' type of person you don't hold grudges for long and can usually find it in your heart to keep it civil with your exes.  But being friendly and forgiving with them can sometimes be trouble, especially when you enter into a new relationship.  

Call it being naive but I do think that in some cases exes can JUST BE COOL! I've been argued down that exes (men especially) only reach back out to an ex in order to keep a door open just in case. I think this is such a masculine mindset to have. Agree or disagree?

SCENARIO :  Exes, who had been estranged for about a year or more, end up casually speaking again on rare occasions. The man then reaches out to the woman to propose a business venture and asks for her help.  He first asks to call and go over it, but then asks to meet in person.  She agrees to at least hear him out but she is also currently involved in a relationship where her new man knows of the past situation.

Is he likely trying to get back into her life using business as a front? Is she wrong to entertain the situation at all? If he was also in a new relationship, would it make him wrong for asking? Would you be okay working with an ex or if your partner chose to?

 

He Might As Well

Why do Men settle down? 

Based on my observations and from things I've heard, it seems like men start to settle down when A) their homeboys do, so they might as well or B) They have their financial life in order so again, they might as well.  C) The chick he's dating might not be the finest or the one he thought he'd see himself with but she's a good enough girl and they've been kicking it for so long and she may even have one or two of his kids so ...he might as well. 

Very rarely do I get the feeling that men decide to settle because they've ultimately found "the one".  The female may be someone who has proven herself worth it to some degree, but not because he's fallen head over heels...but because he might as well!  

I would like to know the top 3 reasons a man decides to settle, from real men, not a book by a comedian turned relationship expert.  How does the way a man decides differ from how women decide? 

Break-Ups & the Social Media

Whether it be irreconcilable differences or a case of bad timing, we've all faced the inevitable outcome of a relationship gone wrong...the BREAK-UP. Now with the presence of Twitter and Facebook, sometimes the rest of the world sees it coming before we do. With the quick stroke of a key, a person's relationship status can go from 'In a Relationship' to 'It's Complicated' to non-existent all before the other person even has a chance to blink. 

These social networking sites have also been known to be the cause of a relationship demise or two. It's an easy way for people to get caught up and put on blast with the ability to tag and post photos and people connecting the dots between the six degrees of separation. Oh and God forbid you don't change your status from single when you enter any type of new union!!!

But when it's over, it's over....

How much of an impact have these sites played in your most recent relationships? When you break up, in addition to status changes, do you delete exes off your page? If they have "friended" your friends is it wrong to ask your friends to de-friend them as well? And what about pix? How long before pictures with your ex come down or does it really not matter?

Where Are The Parents?

My Facebook status a few nights ago stated a simple observation: Some people should not be parents.  The following video further reinforces my belief that some people have only themselves to blame when it comes to how their kids turn out. Where are the parents of these girls? 

This saddens me and disheartens me. I debate and defend black women and our soiled reputations. I take pride in my beautiful brown skin but for a brief moment in watching this video I was ashamed. Although I know these children do not represent me or how I was raised, to the outsiders looking in, this is fuel intensifying the fire of ignorance, hatred and detrimental stereotypes. Is it any wonder that we are thought of in the way that we are by people like this woman? Can we really be mad at her or anybody else who calls us names, doubts our worth or objectifies our very being.   Who is to blame? The kids? TV? Rap songs and videos? Or do you agree that the parents are the ones who are responsible?

Vick "dogs" Oprah

(Photo: AP)

Okay maybe Vick hasn't really dogged Oprah (pun intended) by simply canceling his appearance on her show, however, the media would have you think so.   After all, who cancels on Queen O? She's one of the most influential people in the world; about 3 spots removed from God, according to some.   So why did he do it? His camp sites "personal reasons".   The question is: was his move to cancel his interview with Oprah another crappy decision for the Eagle's quarterback or was he smart to potentially spare himself from possibly being smeared, yet again, and this time by someone with even more power than the regular media, who drug him through the fire the first time? 

Late Night Contacts

If someone of the opposite sex who you are cool with is on FB late but he/she has a gf/bf, is it appropriate to hit them up to chit chat? 

Sometimes you don't know what you might be interrupting or how that person's significant other is going to take to someone texting, calling you or chatting you up at a certain hour of the night. Do you think it should make a difference?

Happy Valentine's Day

We all know that Valentine's is just another day that has become commercialized and blown up by folks that love for you to spend your money on overpriced flowers that die, candy that contributes to the obesity problem and other expensive stuff that caters primarily to the superficial.  The same with Christmas and other holidays we know that love should be spread year around, however, the reality of it is, most folks need this type of scheduled reminder to be nice, forget about being bitter, jaded, hated on, a hater, ungrateful or unromantic (cept for those who look at this as the devil's holiday for singles).

February 14th has traditionally become the holidays for the ladies and lovers but today I want to know what you ladies are doing or have done for your man?   How do you spend your V-day and show love any other time of year?

I Am Not My Hair

What is it with men and hair? Every man has his preference and every man is different but it's funny how most men are so particular about a woman's hair. "Don't like it short" "Have to be able to get the double wrap-around", "I don't like weave" etc. All things I've heard men say in reference to a woman's hair.  I think even my daddy got mad at my momma for cutting hers over 30 years ago and he probably hasn't forgiven her since.  Sad to say but I even dealt with someone who told me that he once broke up with a girl for cutting her hair because it never looked the same (red flag)...well I cut mine while I was with him...enough said.

Listen to Method Man as he states his disdain for "peasy afros":

As a fellow Facebook friend pointed out, most men feel like this but they just don't verbalize it.   Is this true!? Why are men so critical and particular about something that's dead and that's not theirs anyway? We are NOT our hair!

Culture in America - Does it even exist?

 ^{I cannot tell you how many times I've heard people say "Americans have no culture" or "Black people have no culture." I always wonder the basis of these statements. To those who have uttered or thought it, does different equal non-existent or are there valid reasons underlying this perception?  We can see what Webster says but what does culture mean to you and with which culture do you identify?  Do you agree or disagree with the statements above?}

 

¹cul·ture

noun \ˈkəl-chər\

Definition of CULTURE

1

: cultivation, tillage

2

: the act of developing the intellectual and moral faculties especially by education

3

: expert care and training culture>

4

a : enlightenment and excellence of taste acquired by intellectual and aesthetic training b : acquaintance with and taste in fine arts, humanities, and broad aspects of science as distinguished from vocational and technical skills

5

a : the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations b : the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group; also : the characteristic features of everyday existence (as diversions or a way of life} shared by people in a place or time culture> culture> c : the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization culture focused on the bottom line> d : the set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic culture> culture of materialism will take time — Peggy O'Mara>

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

At some point or another, I'm sure we've all dated someone whom our families or friends didn't mesh well with or think was good enough for us. Depending on how serious the relationship was, it may not have made a huge different what others thought, afterall, it really only takes the two to make things go right. Then again, love can be blind and we sometimes only see what we want to see and not what we need to see.

What if everyone was warning you, including your gut, about the person you were going to marry? If family or friends went so far as to sabotage your wedding, would you take heed and forgive them or be angry that they tried to interfere?   Or maybe you have already been in a situation where you've realized you should have listened to your loved ones?

What if it was your friend or loved one who was about to seemingly make a great mistake by marrying too soon or for the wrong reasons? How far would you go to keep that person from making a mistake they may regret for the rest of their lives? 

Venus vs. Mars

What's it harder to be in this day and age...a man or a woman?

Some people may shrug and say well 'Hmph, it's easier to be a man because it's a man's world!' However, others might argue that women have come so far that the rights, privileges and opportunities available to us today are equal to or greater than those available to men.  But do men face the same pressures of body image and appearance that women face?  Are women held as accountable or expected to be as responsible for providing and protecting families as men typically have been?   And then there's that thing called pregnancy.....

So? Who has it harder?

Rock -a-bye- Baby

 What is the best way to control a crying or sleepless child when in a public area?


The coos and babbles of a baby can be so sweet. Sometimes even the tiny whimpers and scrunchy-faced cries can be cute for a moment. But when babies and children begin to take their emotion to a whole new level with steady tears paired with high octave screams or constant bubbles and babbling, the novelty begins to fade. No parent can expect a child or infant not to be such but when it occurs in a public place where it can distract others such as church, a library or intimate restaurant, what should they do?  Do you feel mothers/fathers should automatically get up and take their child out as to not disrupt others? What about on plane rides and long term situations in close quarters without the option to dismiss? Some have used or advise a mild sleep aid such as cough syrup.  Do you agree or disagree with this method?

Sugar , Spice and Everything Nice

 Is it just me or are little girls these days maturing at an accelerated pace? I can't recall the first time I ever got a pedicure but I can assure you it was after I was out of diapers.  I clearly remember my dad being rigid about me getting my ears pierced when I was 3rd grade age but now children are barely 3 weeks.  And what about make-up, facials, perms, real clothes, bags and jewelry?  Should five year olds have better make-up sets than 35 year olds?  

At what age do you feel its appropriate for girls to be introduced to these habits? Do you believe some things done at a young is simply preparing them for womanhood or is it growing them up too fast and setting them up to be spoiled and vain?

MLK Day Reduced to a Snow Day?

Two counties in north Georgia decided to hold school on MLK Day in order to make up for snow-days lost during the winter storm that incapacitated Atlanta. This decision has ruffled the feathers of some civil rights groups.  Georgia State NAACP Chapter President Edward DuBose said,"It's an opportunity for people, black and white, to reflect on what King's dream meant for blacks and whites...it's humiliating to hear that school districts want to take a snow day rather than to honor Dr. King's legacy." Fannin and Gilmer county superintendents claim they had very little choice.  "Changing our school calendar is never easy for us, and we regret that we have had to make this decision," he said in an e-mail. "But we believe that it is in the best interest of our students to be in school as much as possible so that they can be successful in life."

Do you feel the NAACP is justified in its reaction to classes being held on MLK day or do you feel this is an example of pulling the race card unnecessarily and the schools meant no harm?  If your child's school was open on MLK day, did/would you let your child go or keep them out of school?

Same Script, Different Cast

 It's been established that we all have our preferences and those often lead us to dating the same type of person.  Opposites can and DO attract, but can they last? Or do the comforts of what we knew always come back to haunt us?

This song.....whew! I get so lost in it because I listen and think damn....I can soooo relate.

I can think of more people than not, who fit these lyrics.  When you see them with someone new, even though it's different person, something is strangely familiar. I'm definitely guilty of falling for the same types and after taking a step back to reflect I realized that was the damn problem!  You can't keep doing the same things, or in this case, dating the same kind of people and expect different results.  If so, that just makes you crazy.  But say those of us who suffer from the same type syndrome to manage to break the mold for a change. Is it possible to ever truly be 100% attracted to someone who isn't your type? If someone differs physically or personality-wise from what you've been accustomed to, do you think it can really work or will those preferences that we've talked about previously ultimately prevail?

The Sliding Scale

What matters more to men ? A bangin' body or a pretty face? And if she's physically positive on the scale, are you more likely to deal with shortcomings or even craziness? 


Men are physical creatures.  That's nothing new. But what never ceases to amaze me is just how different it seems their trains of thought and priorities are from ours.   Over the years and a lot more recently, I've witnessed guys deal with women who they clearly don't intend on being with for the long-haul. Okay, so it happens. We all have different needs that need to be met and some may just be for the moment.  What I moreso don't get is why some dudes, despite referring to a girl as "crazy" or not his type would still be willing to deal with her but have the nerve to get upset or demean her when she trips out?  If you know a girl is into you more than you are into her and/or she exhibits any signs they may deem her unstable, why would you have anything to do with her at all? Does physical really trump sanity? 

After having the following convo with one of my home boys, I know the physical doesn't win all the time, but still from my experience, it does most of the time and most of the time it's with men. My boy said there's a female he sees every so often and always thinks, "Damn, she's fine" and wonders why he never tried to holla, but when she opens her mouth, he remembers why; he thinks she's crazy!  According to him, it's a sliding scale that you go off of.  Does a girl look good enough to make up for her acting crazy? With this particular one, she does not- she slid off the crazy side of the scale (in his words).    Funny, but do men really go off of this sliding scale?  Are you more likely to deal with crazy if she's fine as hell or has great sex? Can the scale also be applied to a man's priority or preference when it comes to body vs. face?  Which brings me to my other debate...

A recent convo about the new girl on Jersey Shore brought up the question again, are men more likely to choose a banging body or a pretty face?   My other guy friend likes Snookie's new friend Deena and said she has "everything in place". To which I retorted, "Except her face."  We talked about how most of the girls on the show, including the ones the guys bring home, aren't amazing lookers. So based on this plus numerous conversations and observations with male cohorts, I would have to say that 99% of the time, a banging body wins, hands (or pants) down.  Agree or disagree? 

Oprah's OWN Blasted by BET Founder Sheila Johnson

                                                                  (Photo by Getty Images)
 

"The only advice that I say, let's open up your circle a little bit more. You know, we love the Dr. Phils. We love the Suze Ormans. Let's open up. There are other people. And there's also African-American experts out there that I think she should start bringing on her show that can reach even a wider audience."  

These thoughts shared by co-founder and billionaire Sheila Johnson during an interview on NPR's "Tell Me More" segment have sparked a reasonable debate about the diversity of Oprah's recently launched OWN.  Johnson, along with her then husband, created BET decades ago but has since admitted she's ashamed of what BET has become today.  Are her opinions hypocritical and unfounded against Oprah's achievements or would you agree that despite the success she's had, Oprah has failed to produce any type of diversity with her talk show and now her new network?

Facebook Frontin' Pt. 2

Facebook....the billion dollar social entity that has become the way, the truth AND the light for some.  A reality for so many of its users but what's really real? We've seen Facebook frontin' at it's finest with the young man perpetrating like he was hard until his uncle made him "run tell dat".  But what about the other extreme? A friend once said he felt like Facebook had become the Bible with all the scripture quotes and testimonies that were filling up his daily news feed.  I wonder, too, at times if posting things like that makes people feel any more Christian or validated in general if the world can see it; or if they are genuine in their thoughts and actions offline as well as on?  Are the men and women talkin' about they got this and that truly about what they post or just fakin? 

Let's flip it and examine yet another scenario:

Scenario:  A group of friends go out to celebrate a major accomplishment of one of their friends. They do a lot of drinking, partying and doing whatever a group of 20 and 30 somethings living 20 and 30 something lives would do.  One person posts and tags pictures of the others and there's alcohol and such in the photos.  As a result, one of the peers is reprimanded at work and comes close to being fired due to a colleague seeing the pics.  From then on they ask their pals for certain photos not to be posted or tagged. Others accuse them of being fake and say they shouldn't take the pictures to begin with.  Is that person frontin' or just looking out for his or her best interest? Is it fair that people are judged based on their Facebook pages and should that just be expected?  How much stock do you put into people's posts and profiles and do you believe FB has become a haven for people trying to be more, or less, than who they actually are?

Facebook Frontin' Pt. 1

 This man beats his nephew for "frontin" on Facebook about gang activity, etc... Should more fathers, uncles and households take this type of action?...........

Might seem like a good idea to instill fear like this, right? May even be a bit humorous. But then I came across these comments in response to the video: "If all black parents were like this man the black race wouldnt be worthless to the planet...

Im glad this only happens in 1% of the black homes, i kinda like them niggers being the way they are. Worthless"

"This video reaffirms my gratefulness that I wasn't born a nigger." 

And that's not even half of the egregious comments made. It then begs the question: Is this man's response to his nephews actions actually just reinforcing negative behaviors? Especially ones that put us at the core of scrutiny by obvious white supremacists and maybe even ones who are not so obvious... 

Once an Addict, always an Addict?

I've had the debate before about whether or not people can really change? That's one major debate in itself but to be more specific, if someone is an addict, will they always and forever be an addict, even if they "get clean" for some amount of time?

A recent example is the homeless man with a Golden Radio Voice.  According to reports, he once upon a time had a life until drugs and alcohol led him down the wrong path.  He has now been given amazing opportunities to turn that all around.  Do you think he will succeed or will the inner addict pull him back down eventually?  Even if he manages to stay "clean" do you think the stigma of having been homeless will always follow him no matter what he was before, or after?

Does Money Justify Wrongful Inprisonment?

If you had been locked up for years, convicted of a crime you didn't commit until DNA proved otherwise..what amount of money be good enough to make up for such a grave injustice? Or would you expect something else?  

Is Beyonce the female Michael Jackson?

Beyonce's reign over the music industry in the last decade is undeniable. She went from an artist, built an empire (thanks in large part to Matthew Knowles) and now she's not only an artist but has become a brand. But do you think she would still be who she is today if she had not started with Destiny's Child? If she still had the vocal ability but not the looks and moves, would she be as successful? Finally, she was deemed the female Michael Jackson during one debate....but would you agree or disagree? Can she compare?

Justifiable Attitudes

For so long, black women have been stereotyped with having attitudes making us known for being difficult to deal with and the "cause" of why some black men choose to date outside of their race.  Does anyone ever explore why we might have an attitude or does it not even matter?  Are attitudes justifiable in the following situations?

SCENARIO #1:  Girlfriend is traveling to meet boyfriend at his job (to which she's never been before).  She calls him and says she's lost.  Agitated, the first thing he says is "How did you get lost it's only two turns?"  She immediately cops an attitude.    Is she wrong? Or is he for coming at her like that? 


SCENARIO #2:  Husband/boyfriend has a sketchy past as far as it relates to being trustworthy.  Wife/girlfriend has worked through and stuck it out.  She is expecting him home at a certain time but he strolls in hours later.  She has an attitude by then.  He doesn't understand why.  Is she wrong?